This is my public chronicle for my first RTP Mission: Sag to Fab. Please check out the RTP website if you’d like to transform along with me!
OK, I’m not officially starting yet. I need to take a week off. I think I will probably officially begin on May 3 - though given the mood swings I’ve been having, that could change. Though yeah, I certainly need a few days rest. My knees are getting (almost) as cranky as I am!
I printed out all the sign up forms for INBF membership and registration for the figure competition I want to do on Oct 24. The only reason I didn’t mail them was because I had a few questions for the event organizer.
I was looking at last year’s entrants and there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I could definitely place if the field were the same this year. One of the rare times I haven’t had to silence the “Oh no you can’t, you’re too fat, too old, too much cellulite, blah blah blah” voices. YAY go me!! I love that feeling!!!
I spent some time this morning trying to absorb the first few RTP Modules. Then I hit the gym for my last HIIT/SS Cardio session before rest week.
I was SOOOO fired up I could have run all day. And that’s saying a lot because I don’t ordinarily enjoy cardio much. OK at all. Not once did I look at the timer and roll my eyes and pray for a power outage.
This afternoon I decided to take some test pictures - trying to figure out where the best lighting would be, camera angle, zoom distance, etc etc.
So, I take a few and then the camera batteries die. OK no biggie.
I load up the pics onto my computer and here’s what I see (this is the best of the bunch lol and actually this one looks good - it’s the full sized that made me want to beat up my computer)
My not so skinny trim and toned butt
The first thought that ran through my mind was…
“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!!!???” There were a few other words thrown in as well. They all had four letters.
I’ve got veins AND cellulite on my thighs - though it’s hard to tell in this image. It all just looks like cellulite. ugh ugh ugh!! My quads are vascular too. How do I get rid of that???
I’m really mad right now!!!! I don’t know how to do this! My butt says starve me. The rest of me is screaming feed me or I will take you to my master. Or something.
My initial plan when I signed up to enter the RTP 2.0 Date With Destiny Contest was to spend the 84 days on a very controlled bulk.
I’ve been carb cycling since mid Jan. I’ve made good progress numbers wise. On paper. I was starting to see progress in the pics I was taking. Or so I thought just a few days ago. Now I’m not so sure.
I look at this picture and think, “Are you kidding me, you need to lose tons more fat! You can’t bulk! You certainly are no where near ready for a figure competition. Are you INSANE?? Go back to the gym and do 400 more hours of cardio and then we’ll talk!!!”
UGH!!! I don’t know what I’m doing right now. I hate this feeling.
Yet the thing is, my upper body is so lean that I look like a skeleton with veins. It’s nuts. I literally had to wear long sleeves to the gym the other day because I was that scary looking. It’s getting embarrassing!! I’ve even got veins popping out of my shoulders!! I hate it!
LOL!!! Am I gonna have to walk around all summer in long sleeves and jeans because my top is too lean and by bottom is too lumpy? I HATE being a girl sometimes!
So, I dunno. I’m gonna try again tomorrow with the pics. I had to use flash for this one. I’m gonna try natural morning light in a different room. Dunno if that will make a difference.
I don’t understand why sometimes I look at myself and feel good and other times I can’t even stand to look OK well, it’s not that bad but you’d think that after losing 75lbs and all the work that I’d feel comfortable in a bathing suit. But NO!
OK sorry for the rant. I just had to say it out loud. err, type it out loud. Not like I can say any of this stuff to anyone I know. I tell them I’m dieting and they think I’m nuts - as well they should since they are only judging by my upper body.
And then there’s that carrot cake in the fridge just daring me to eat it because right now I’m like “what’s the point??” Danger!! Danger!! And no, I’m not gonna eat it but it really is talking to me. I wish it would shut up. I may have to go silence it with the garbage disposal! 
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